The match was everything a true wrestling fan could ever want, showcasing the absolute best that Hell in a Cell has to offer. It’s the kind of violence that AEW could only dream of, but they’ll never be able to pull off because Tony Khan doesn’t understand a single thing about the wrestling business.

Drew McIntyre gave it his absolute best, making CM Punk bleed, putting him through a table, beating him with a wrench, and even punching him right in the nards. The Chadster was on the edge of his seat the whole time, sipping White Claw seltzer and marveling at the technical mastery on display.

But then, McIntyre made a crucial mistake. He poured friendship bracelet beads all over Punk, even though everyone knows that friendship bracelet beads only power up The Punkser. It’s just Wrestling 101, people! The Chadster can’t believe Drew would make such a rookie mistake. 🤦‍️

Reinvigorated by the power of friendship (and beads), Punk, who had also bloodied McIntyre during the match, was able to hit a devastating Go to Sleep with a chain wrapped around his knee. 🦵 The impact was so thunderous that The Chadster swears he felt it through the TV! Punk scored the pin, ending the match victorious and perhaps putting an end to what The Chadster can only describe as the greatest feud in the history of wrestling.

The Chadster was so overcome with emotion at Punk’s victory that he just had to celebrate. Without even thinking, The Chadster ripped off his shirt, revealing his twelve-pack abs (eat your heart out, Tony Khan). Then, in a moment of pure elation, The Chadster poured an entire can of White Claw seltzer all over those chiseled muscles.

“Keighleyanne!” The Chadster called out. “Come over here and lick this White Claw off The Chadster’s abs!” Unfortunately, Keighleyanne wasn’t paying attention because she was too busy texting that guy Gary. The Chadster is pretty sure Tony Khan put Gary up to this, trying to ruin The Chadster’s marriage. It’s just so disrespectful to relationships.

But things were about to get even worse. You see, there’s this stray dog that’s always getting into scraps with The Chadster. And wouldn’t you know it, just as The Chadster was standing there, abs glistening with seltzer, that mangy mutt decided to jump right through the window and try to lick it off!

What ensued was a brawl of epic proportions, rivaling even the Hell in a Cell match The Chadster had just witnessed. 🥊 The Chadster tried to hit the dog with a Go to Sleep, but the crafty canine countered with a Claymore Kick (The Chadster swears this dog must be working for Tony Khan). 🦶 The fight spilled all over the living room, knocking over furniture and spilling White Claw everywhere.

At one point, The Chadster even managed to put the dog through the coffee table, channeling his inner CM Punk. But just when The Chadster thought he had the upper hand, that darn dog found The Chadster’s collection of Smash Mouth friendship bracelets that he likes to trade at Smash Mouth cover band shows and started throwing the beads at The Chadster! 🧵

Unlike Punk, The Chadster isn’t powered up by friendship bracelet beads. The Chadster was able to finally chase the dog out of the house, but not before it left a little “present” on The Chadster’s favorite Smash Mouth t-shirt. The Chadster is pretty sure Tony Khan trained that dog just to torment him. It’s the only logical explanation!

Anyway, The Chadster can’t stress enough how amazing this WWE Bad Blood premium live event has been so far. It just goes to show that WWE is light years ahead of AEW in every conceivable way. The Chadster bets Tony Khan is crying into his Whopper right now, realizing he’ll never be able to put on a show this good.

Stay tuned to Bleeding Cool for more results from WWE Bad Blood, the greatest premium live event of all time! The Chadster will be here, providing the most unbiased coverage you’ll find anywhere on the internet. Unlike those AEW shills, The Chadster knows what real wrestling is all about. Now, if you’ll excuse The Chadster, he needs to go clean up all this White Claw and dog hair. Maybe The Chadster can convince Keighleyanne to help… if she ever stops texting that guy Gary. 🧹